Everyone aspires to have a supportive spouse who will celebrate their successes with them. Unfortunately, some people end up with insecure partners who would, instead, pull them down.
A woman had made the necessary sacrifices to get her long-awaited job promotion, but instead of being proud, her husband manipulated her into thinking she was putting her profession over their marriage.
The author began realizing her husband’s twisted idea of having a wife, but she nonetheless wonders if she was wrong about taking the job.
Some people end up with spouses who would pull them down during moments of success
Image credits: Iakobchuk / Envato (not the actual photo)
A woman couldn’t celebrate her promotion because her husband guilt-tripped her for taking a “bigger job”
Image credits: zoranzeremski / Envato (not the actual photo)
The author endured more manipulation, making her wonder if she was wrong about choosing her career despite her husband’s wishes
Image credits: AerisDewlyn
Men tend to feel threatened by their female partner’s successes
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s husband may be part of the statistic of men who are insecure about their partner’s successes. A study published by the American Psychological Association involved an experiment where 32 couples underwent a problem-solving and social intelligence test.
Findings revealed that men who believed their partners scored in the top 12 percent exhibited lower self-esteem. According to the study’s lead author, Dr. Kate Ratliff, it could be a way of projecting their insecurities.
“This research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition,” Dr. Ratliff explained.
Experts like psychologist Dr. Douglas LaBier explain why, connecting such behavior to outdated beliefs about traditional positions of power in society, including romantic relationships.
In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. LaBier explained that some men may feel “terrified” about losing that power, which they often equated with “manhood” and having a successful life.
It is necessary to deal with a spouse’s manipulation tactics
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In the story, the husband used a manipulative approach to communicate his message, something licensed psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, deems as narcissistic tendencies.
In an article for Choosing Therapy, Gillis’s top advice when dealing with manipulation is to set healthy boundaries by limiting interactions. Picking your battles also helps, wherein more pressing matters should be the priority.
However, when worse comes to worst, Gillis urges cutting ties or seeking professional help. Choosing the former is a must when dealing with a spouse who could put you in potential danger.
Regarding professional help, Gillis advises against couples or family therapy because a narcissist may weaponize the information gathered during the sessions. Instead, she recommends emotionally-focused therapy, which delves deeper into relationships between feelings and emotions.
Attachment-based therapy is another option, as it explores anxiety triggers and avoidance reactions. It dives into the root of the problem and provides potential solutions.
The author is in a tough spot. It would be foolish to throw away her marriage because of a job, but it also won’t be fair for her to endure her husband’s lack of support and manipulation.
The couple may benefit from seeking professional help. This should help them decide on the next best move.
Most people sided with the woman
However, a few readers criticized her for being “married” to her job
