Colton Underwood tried to suppress homosexuality by ‘taking medication daily’

Colton Underwood admits he struggled with being gay so much so that he used to abuse Xanax as a coping mechanism.

“I was suppressing my sexuality so hard that I was taking medication daily to deal with depression and anxiety, and that made me a paranoid freak,” the former “Bachelor,” 29, says in his new Netflix docuseries, “Coming Out Colton,” which premieres on Friday.

“I didn’t trust a whole lot of people, and I was trying to do anything and everything I could to protect a secret,” he recalls.

During an on-camera conversation with his longtime friend Kassidy, Underwood tearfully shares that he “hit rock bottom” one night when he “took a lot of Xanax” in the hope that he would not “wake up the next morning.”

The reality star’s suicide attempt came after his breakup with Cassie Randolph in early 2020.

“I started to spiral,” he confesses as headlines about Randolph, 26, obtaining and later dropping a restraining order against him flash on the screen. “I was f–ked up. … I lost my mind, and I did some things, I said some things that I’m not proud of.”

Cassie Randolph hugging Colton Underwood while sitting on his lap.

Underwood dated Cassie Randolph from 2018 to 2020.Instagram

Underwood is quick to clarify, however, that he is not “making excuses” for stalking and harassing Randolph after their split.

“I did f–k up,” he says. “I made mistakes, and I will take ownership in that.”

Randolph has not directly addressed Underwood coming out as gay, though she did say in a YouTube video in April that her focus was “going forward” with her life.

Colton Underwood in a baseball cap in the

“Coming Out Colton” premieres Friday on Netflix.Netflix

The graduate student, who met the former football player in late 2018 on his season of “The Bachelor,” is now dating singer Brighton Reinhardt.

A source exclusively told Page Six on Monday that Randolph has “a lot of bad memories associated with the end of [her] relationship” with Underwood and feels she is “being roped back into all this Colton mess because of the Netflix show.”

If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).