Daddy Kink: What It Is, How It Works & What You Need in a Daddy Dom

We all have different fantasies. If you’re into daddy kink, how do you get started? And, how do you find the right daddy to fulfill your needs?

When it comes to kinks, daddy kink is usually misunderstood. People assume if you’re looking for a “daddy,” you have personal issues with your own father and you’re looking for a father-type figure in your intimate relationship. Listen, when it comes to kinks, people have them for all different reasons, not necessarily related to their real parental relationship.

Different things turn different people on. For some, the idea of calling someone “daddy” and being dominated is totally tasteless.

Yet, for someone else, it’s the pinnacle of sexual excitement.

The truth is, as long as everyone is consenting, enjoying and no one is getting hurt, there’s no problem with enjoying a spot of daddy kink. If that’s what floats your boat, you go for it!

[Read: 12 arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]

What is daddy kink exactly?

You might be reading this and have no clue what daddy kink actually is. Don’t worry – there are so many terms floating around these days that it’s hard to keep up with what they mean!

Daddy kink is a sexual fetish. It is when someone enjoys being dominated by someone older than they are, who they call “daddy.” Again, this has nothing to do with their own relationship with their father! This is purely separate.

The “daddy” can be a father to someone, or they can be totally without children, it’s nothing to do with fertility and everything to do with role play.

Let’s get a couple of things out of the way about what a daddy dom really is. A daddy dom is firstly a dominant. The “daddy” is a subcategory he chooses to live his life as within the dominance/submissive kink. [Read: How to be a dominant: 12 Steps to take control and lead in bed]

Now, there’s one major thing that needs to be cleared up. A daddy dom isn’t someone who’s interested in incest or pedophilia. Rather, a daddy dom is someone who likes to be called “Daddy,” while his submissive is called “girl” or “little girl.” It’s not very often you’ll find a daddy dom who calls their submissive “daughter.” For many, that’s crossing a red line.

If you’re keen to try daddy kink for yourself, you first need to find the right daddy for you. Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics you need to look for.

[Read: The kink list: 20 freaky fetishes that aren’t weird at all]

13 characteristics to look for in your daddy kink

Once you get past the rumors and misconceptions, you’ll see it’s basically a dominant/submissive relationship between two consenting adults. So, what should you look for in a daddy dom?

It’s time to satisfy your daddy kink and find yourself a daddy.

1. He has sexual experience

Now, you can always have a daddy who doesn’t have any sexual experience within his specific kink. Usually, if you’re new to this, it’s best to be with someone who has this kink experience.

That way, you can learn the rules of this kink properly. A skilled dominant is always a good option. [Read: The step-by-step guide to start role playing with your partner]

2. You’re sexually compatible

Having a daddy is great, but you need to also make sure you’re sexually compatible. He may check off everything from your list, but when it comes to the bedroom, there’s no chemistry.

Make sure you’re both on the same page with your sexual interests and needs. [Read: The scary signs of sexual incompatibility and how to beat it together]

3. He has life experience

Whether it’s a daddy-boy or daddy-girl relationship, they’ve been around for ages. Ideally, you want your daddy to have some life experience. If you’re in a gay, lesbian, or straight daddy-girl/boy relationship, your dominant will be able to share their experiences with you and help guide you through life.

4. You have great conversations together

Yes, your daddy dom is someone who’s going to protect you, and guide you through life, but he’s also someone you can talk to. And it’s not as though the conversation is forced.

You can stay on the phone for hours or sit together on the couch discussing world events. There’s more than just a sexual element. [Read: Lack of communication in a relationship & why it signals the end]

5. He takes care of you

I don’t mean he pays your bills and buys you expensive clothing. Of course, if he also does that, that’s also fine. But a daddy dom should be someone who cares about your well-being. He makes sure you’re okay and is naturally a caretaker. He wants to make sure you’re safe.

6. He’s emotionally mature

You’re looking for a daddy, not someone who throws a tantrum when the barista at Starbucks spells their name wrong on their to-go cup.

When looking for a daddy, talk to him, see what his experience has been like with other girls/boys, and just talk to him. Get a sense of his emotional maturity, and if it’s at a level you need it to be. [Read: When does a man emotionally mature? The 13 signs he’s grown a real pair]

7. He’s a reliable person

You want a daddy dom who’s going to be there for you when he says he’s going to. A daddy dom is someone who will address your needs and be a rock in your life. If you need something, he’ll be there for you. 

8. You see each other as friends

Being in a daddy-girl/boy relationship is more than just having someone protect and care for you. This is someone you see yourself being friends with and vice versa. On the one hand, you two can be kinky together in the bedroom, and on the other hand, you can share your personal life with him and have his guidance and support. [Read: What makes a good friend: The art of honing you friendship skills]

9. You feel safe

When you’re around him, you’re not thinking about whether or not he’s going to screw you over. In his presence, you feel safe and secure. A daddy dom should be someone you see as providing you the safe space you need.  

10. He encourages and motivates you

Sometimes, we get tired and want to give up. It happens to the best of us; life isn’t a walk in the park. Your daddy dom should encourage you to keep going and be your support when times are rough.

11. He has his life together

A daddy dom isn’t someone who doesn’t know how to hold down a job longer than a week and lives in his parent’s house. No, a daddy dom is an independent person who has, generally, a stable life. He’s grounded, and he knows who he is and what he wants. [Read: 20 characteristics of a good man that make him desirable and reliable]

12. He doesn’t overdo it

Sometimes, daddy doms get a little too invested in their role and overdo it. It’s never healthy to overplay any role in the kink community, including the daddy dom. You do not want to form a codependent relationship with your daddy. If you’re noticing it’s becoming a bit much, talk about it with them.

13. You can communicate openly

This is so important in any relationship but in a situation such as this, being able to talk openly is vital. You need to be able to tell him when you don’t like something, when you do like something, or when you’re concerned about something.

[Read: How to find a sugar daddy and hook the rich man of your dreams]

How can you tell if daddy kink is really for you?

It’s possible that even though you’ve just read through a list of what to look for in a daddy dom, you’re still not sure if this is something for you.

The truth is that nobody is ever 100% sure if they’re going to enjoy something.

What you need to have is an interest, a desire, and a strong willingness to give it a go. If you’ve always been curious about the daddy kink world, there’s no harm in giving it a try [Read: Sexual fantasies and dirty fantasies in bed]

Nobody can tell you whether daddy kink is for you or not, and it’s a decision you have to make for yourself.

Perhaps explore submissive and dominant relationships in a bit more detail first.

Maybe try a sub/dom arrangement for yourself but without the daddy element. If you enjoy that and you’re still curious about finding a daddy dom, then it’s a natural next step for you to work towards.

You can never allow anyone to tell you that a sexual kink you want to try is wrong. As long as both parties are consenting and enjoying their time together, there is nothing wrong with it. Open your mind and explore a little more if you really feel that daddy kink is a sexual fantasy you’ve always wanted to try.

[Read: The master and slave relationship – How to set the rules and actually follow them]

If you’re interested in daddy kink, it can be a great experience. But first, make sure you find the right daddy for you.