Sexless Relationship: Why Sex Matters & How to Spark Passion Again

Do you believe a sexless relationship is possible? We’re always told that sex is important, but is it as important as love and trust?

We can probably all agree that sex is great. It’s probably the one thing that means your relationship is at a serious level. You wait that certain amount of time before finally getting intimate with the one person you trust more than anyone else. You hope that when it happens, it’s going to be mind-blowing.

We all take the moment of sex as the defining point in our relationships. After we’ve had sex with someone, we consider them really important to us. And we consider the relationship confirmed and solidified.

It might not run the full course, and maybe you’ll part ways, but for that time, you’re close and connected as people. [Read: 15 real reasons why your man doesn’t want to have sex]

Why do we think that sex is important?

Because it is! But, it’s not the be-all and end-all. It’s entirely possible to have a relationship without sex and be perfectly happy. It just comes down to the individual and what they want and expect from the relationship.

It could be that you’re asexual and in that case, sex just isn’t something you want to engage in. Finding a partner who understands and accepts that may be difficult but once you do, you can concentrate on building a connection beyond the physical.

So yes, sex is important in a relationship. It helps to bond you together as a couple and it allows you to explore intimacy in a different way. Of course, it’s also important if you choose to have children.

Do we NEED sex? No. But do we want it? Most people do. [Read: How important is sex in a relationship? The truth revealed]

Perhaps we think that sex is extremely important because we’re told it is. There are reasons why sex is great, and we’ll talk about those shortly, but it’s really vital that you pinpoint it for yourself personally.

If you find yourself in a sexless relationship, you first need to ask yourself how you feel about it. Is it fine with you? How about your partner, do they feel fine about it? Communicate and work out where you both stand on the subject. If you’re both happy focusing on quality time together then maybe that’s just how your relationship is going to be.

However, if you find yourself in a relationship without sex and it does bother you, that’s when you need to make some changes. [Read: 15 signs you’re asexual and don’t like getting laid as much as others]

What is a sexless relationship?

It’s easy to define this – A sexless relationship is one where the two partners don’t engage in sexual activities with each other. But as easy as the definition is, it only gets more complicated because we’re all human and different.

There are two kinds of sexless relationships. One, where both partners voluntarily choose to avoid having sex, and are perfectly happy with each other. Take for example, asexuals, who would much rather prefer a romance that’s based on romantic attraction and compatibility than anything else.

On the other hand, we have a sexless relationship where both partners did enjoy having sex with each other, to begin with. But somewhere along the way, one or both of them just stopped enjoying sex with the other person. It could be voluntary or totally unintentional. But with this second kind of sexless relationship, chances are, one or both partners would start to feel sexually dissatisfied, and frustrated with the relationship as a whole. [Read: 20 sexual problems you can easy avoid in a relationship and feel happy again]

Why would two people refrain from sex in a relationship?

There are a lot of reasons two people would decide not to have sex in their relationship. Some may wait until they’re married before they do it. Some may avoid it because they’re asexual and just don’t want to.

Others may get into arguments and decide that they’ll stay together, but without the sex in general. All of these are reasons people choose not to have sex, but will their relationship suffer if they choose to live like this? [Read: Tips on how to survive a sexless marriage]

Overall, each relationship is different, and it depends on what YOU think of sex in a relationship that determines whether or not it can last.

If you think you could be happy without having sex with each other, that’s totally fine. But there are benefits to having sex that you should know about before we go further, so you can understand where a relationship without sex could go wrong in the long run.

1. Sex brings you closer

There’s a bond that is unlike anything else when you have sex. You can spend as much time as you want going to the movies and cuddling with someone, but it will never amount to how beneficial sex is.

When you’re in a relationship, you have to be really close to your partner. You have to know them better than anyone else because that is what makes your relationship last a long time. And sex is a HUGE part of making that happen. [Read: Sex in a relationship – What it means to a woman]

2. It makes you empathtic toward the other person

When you get intimate in a way that involves sex, it’s really difficult not to feel what the other person is feeling when it comes to your emotions. Therefore, having sex can make you more empathetic toward your partner.

Not only does this make you feel connected to them, but it also can prevent arguments and hurting each other. When you are sexually active with someone, it makes it really difficult to hurt them in any way – which can make your relationship much stronger. [Read: Sexless marriage – how erotica saved my life]

3. It reduces stress and tension

We all know how much stress and tension can add to the downfall of a relationship. Stress leads to outbursts that may cause harm to the other person’s feelings, and that can get bottled up until they no longer want to be with you.

When you have sex with them, you’re reducing that stress and tension and allowing yourself to relax with them. This is extremely beneficial to making a relationship last. However, there are other ways of reducing stress that doesn’t always involve sex. [Read: 14 incredible benefits of sex that’ll make you want more]

4. It can increase your self-esteem

Having confidence and high self-esteem in a relationship is an extremely vital part of making a relationship last, because it stops the jealousy and accusations.

When you have sex with your partner, it makes you feel loved, good about yourself, and you feel as if they really care about you.

Feeling all of those things from your partner is what makes a relationship last for a long time. Without it, you may start to wonder how they feel. [Read: When your partner isn’t interested in sex anymore]

5. It creates affection

How long do you think a relationship can last without affection? When your partner doesn’t walk up to you, give you a hug or a kiss on the forehead, or tell you how much you mean to them, the relationship is likely to fizzle out pretty quickly.

Sex can make that affection happen. When you sleep with someone, you automatically feel affectionate toward them.

Many couples that are struggling with affection are told to have more sex, because it is such a big part of being affectionate toward each other! [Read: Emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy – The chicken or the egg?]

6. But, know that sex isn’t love

Having sex with someone doesn’t translate to you loving them. You can be completely in love with someone and never even touch them in a sexual way.

Therefore, you can definitely have a relationship based entirely on love if you both have the mindset where sex isn’t something you even want to do to show your love. That is one case when a sexless relationship may work. [Read: Panromantic asexual – What it is and what it isn’t]

7. Not having sex can make you question their feelings

If you don’t have sex with your partner, it can be hard to remember how passionately they feel about you. There’s really nothing that’s reinforcing the fact that they find you attractive, sexy, or even that they like you.

When you don’t have sex, it can be really easy to forget how someone feels about you – especially if they’re not good at showing their feelings in the first place. Many sexless relationships don’t last simply because they no longer think their partner has feelings for them.

8. Sex makes you feel like a unit

One of the most important things regarding making a relationship last is acting as though you’re a unit. You have to be connected with someone in a way that feels like you’re just one complete package.

When you have sex, you get that feeling. It’s like you’re just one complete unit and no one can split you apart. When you have a sexless relationship, you can become too separate, and that can drive a rift between the two of you. [Read: How to create sexual chemistry and make it stay]

9. Not having sex also gets rid of the pressure

There is a good part about not having sex, though, that can make a sexless relationship worth a try. When you don’t have sex, you get rid of all that pressure to perform well, please your partner sexually, and even groom yourself to look good for their liking.

You get to relax and be who you are, and you don’t have to be self-conscious about those different things when you’re in a sexless relationship.

But is that enough to make a sexless relationship last a lifetime? [Read: 10 reasons why passionate love can be the strongest love of all]

What if you’re in a sexless relationship and you’re not happy?

Some couples find themselves stuck in a sexual rut. That can lead to sex simply, well, stopping. So, what should you do if you and your partner have just stopped having sex. Or, maybe one partner just doesn’t want it as much as the other and the frequency dwindles?

This is a time when communication is vital.

It could be that you’re totally misunderstanding each other on a key subject and it’s causing one or both of you to hold back. Talk about how you feel but make sure that you embark upon the conversation in a blame-free, loving way.

Use statements such as “I feel …”, rather than “you make me”, or “ you never want to have sex anymore”.  [Read: How to have a difficult conversation without losing your nerve]

It could also be that you simply need to focus on making sex a little more exciting. When you’ve been together for a long time, it’s easy to get stuck in a sexual rut and end up following the same tried and tested routine. It becomes boring!

Try new things, talk about your fantasies, and give them a go! Introduce toys into the bedroom, or try dirty talk. There are countless things you can do to spice up your sex life, you simply need to break out of the same routine. Use any of these 50 unique ways to experiment with sex and reignite the passion slowly, without trying too many of these things all at once.

But most importantly, even before you try anything at all, talk to each other. When you feel comfortable talking about your issues, problems, and your sex life as well, everything will start to feel different and your sexless marriage will slowly blossom into one that’s sexually exciting and passionate as well.

[Read: How to get your partner to talk about sex and feel horny as they do it]

Could a sexless situation mean the end of your union?

If none of that works and you’re unhappy with the fact that you’re in a sexless relationship, you have to sit down and do some soul-searching.

How important is sex in a relationship to you? If your partner isn’t willing to compromise or even acknowledge your feelings, then it may be that the two of you are no longer compatible. Again, communication is key here but you should also zone in on how the relationship is making you feel. 

[Read: 30 innocent-sounding but very naughty questions to ask your partner and get the sexual sparks flying]

All in all, whether or not a sexless relationship can last is completely up to the couple and what they value in a relationship. However, you can’t ignore the benefits of having sex in your relationship.