Why do some people tend to raise their voices when arguing?
By Jess Notting
For the most part, getting into arguments is not fun at all.
Some people may, indeed, enjoy a friendly, open discussion. However, openly discussing issues and getting into heated arguments are two very different things.
At one point or another, we’ve all found ourselves in a situation that we did not want to be in.
Whether it be a friendly discussion gone wrong or a completely unprovoked argument with a stranger, these heated encounters can be truly traumatic.
Raising one’s voice to yell at another person is a truly aggressive, but human, act. So, it’s not pleasant to be on the receiving end of it.
If someone starts yelling at you, no matter what the context is, there are some very deep reasons behind it.
You might think that yelling reflects someone's immaturity, but the truth is, the person who yells at you has often been the victim of verbal abuse themselves.
Verbal abuse is often very traumatic and can have lasting effects — sometimes even creating a repeat of the same abuse. If someone is yelling at you, it is because they have never learned how to communicate their emotions or their feelings constructively.
That doesn’t necessarily reflect immaturity, but rather a lack of guidance from the people around them. The way that a person behaves usually reflects the way that a person has been treated, whether that be in the present moment or not.
Often, when people yell, it reflects anger and frustration. That anger and frustration may be directed towards you or even themselves.
Sometimes, people take out their anger on others when they feel helpless in a situation. Sometimes, people yell because they feel like they’re not being heard.
They may feel like their words mean nothing or perhaps, that they’re not being listened to. So, they raise their voices as though you weren’t able to hear them in the first place.
It’s important to be mindful of the reasons why a person may react in a certain way towards you, but that doesn’t justify their behavior, either.
If you find yourself in a situation where someone is yelling at you, it is a good idea to try and remind the person that you do not appreciate being yelled at. If they don’t stop, then simply remove yourself from the situation.
No matter how someone else acts, it’s important to try to remain respectful and calm during hostile interactions. You certainly don’t want to add fuel to the fire.
If someone is yelling at you, the worst thing that you can do is to start yelling back at them.
Setting boundaries is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships.
If a person who is yelling at you realizes that it is not appreciated, that will reinforce the need to find better ways to communicate. This may also help them realize that there are more constructive ways to express their emotions.
Jess Notting is a writer who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and self-care. For more of her relationship content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.