Photo: Caiaimage/Rafal Rodzoch (Getty Images)
Productivity went through the roof yesterday as Facebook and Instagram ceased to time-suck every idle moment of our day in what is being called the biggest crash in Facebook’s history. Both social media sites experienced varying levels of outages, with Facebook totally down for the first time since a 51-minute window back in 2015 left millions of people with no choice but to communicate via email.
As citizens of the world put down their smartphones for the first time since the device was invented, billions of users struggled to find ways to occupy their time. Understimulated office workers suddenly started finishing spreadsheets, glassy-eyed kids began to shake awake their atrophied legs, turning their attention to the playground, and millions of projects simultaneously concluded as budding artists around the world suddenly remembered that thing they kept alluding to on Instagram.
While global productivity jumped a staggering 5,000,000 percent on Wednesday, thousands of tech workers felt the crush of an existential crises as their livelihoods and sense of purpose began to dwindle under the glare of real life. And as the frost of social media began to thaw, it looked for one shining moment like the future of mankind was preparing to live in a world without tech addiction. But, alas, Facebook was able to get their site back online within 14 hours, cutting short a sudden spurt of global activity not witnessed since the 20th century.
Some on Twitter (the only one of the Big Three working properly) began to refer to the outage as The Event, many worrying that life as we knew it was finally crashing to an end. For nearly a day, Twitter became a visual medium as Instagrammers flocked to the site jonesing to express their inner meme.
Now that the mayhem has subsided, Channing Tatum and The Rock will most likely star in next summer’s blockbuster flick Facebook Down: The Day The World Stopped Turning. We can’t wait.