Is Watching Porn Cheating? NO But It Can Make or Break Your Sex Life

What do you think, is watching porn cheating? Or, is it simply a little harmless fun that helps you get in the mood? Let’s explore a little deeper. 

Let’s be honest, many men watch porn. However, many women do too. When you don’t watch it too often or use it to develop unrealistic expectations, it can form a part of a healthy sex life. However, many people ask the question, is watching porn cheating?

If you walked in on your boyfriend enjoying himself while watching a porn flick, how would you feel? Would you find it a turn-on, or would you feel somehow betrayed?

After all, if someone is watching porn, they usually don’t know the person on the screen personally, nor are they doing anything with them, are they? They’re simply turned on by the action that’s going on.

Also, if you regularly watch porn yourself, do you feel like you’re cheating on your partner? Or, do you wish that you could share your enjoyment of porn with them?

There’s so much to talk about when it comes to porn and the cheating dilemma, so let’s answer the question first, and get to the details.

[Read: Understanding what micro-cheating is and the unintentional signs you’re doing it]

Is watching porn cheating? The honest truth

Let’s answer this right away before we weigh in on both sides of the issue.

Watching porn is NOT cheating. But it is a BETRAYAL towards your partner. It will hurt your partner. And it will make them think less of themselves.

So while porn isn’t really cheating, it is something that can cause your partner’s self-esteem to plummet, and they’d always wonder if they’re good enough for you. And this, in turn, will affect your relationship negatively, and may even cause a breakup.

So there, we’ve said it. Is porn cheating? No. But can it destroy your relationship? Yes, probably, if you don’t do it right. On the contrary, can it help your relationship too? Yes! And we’ll get to more on this in a bit, so you can understand every single aspect of watching porn.

[Read: 17 of the best naughty sex ideas to spice up your sex life overnight]

Why do people watch porn?

It’s obvious, isn’t it? Whether most of us want to admit it or not, watching one, two *or sometimes more* people getting down and dirty is a bit of a turn-on. It’s that taboo of watching something you’re not supposed to and that makes it even hotter.

There are two reasons why we watch porn:

1. To see sexy naked people

Let’s be honest, when we watch porn, it’s mostly to see naked people in different states of arousal and orgasms *at least for men*. Men and women watch porn because they get aroused watching attractive people undressing and playing with themselves, or with others.

Also, if you’re wondering, is watching porn cheating, this is the biggest reason that causes a rift between two people in a relationship. If you’re watching porn because you find a particular porn star sexually arousing, and your partner knows about this, as “cool” as they are with you watching porn, it could bother them or make them feel insecure.

2. To arouse yourself while watching the scenario

While most men enjoy watching naked women *which is why you’ll see so many guys searching for nude celebrity videos*, almost all men and women do enjoy watching scenes that they have never acted out in real life – role play, threesomes, fantasies, you name it.

There’s a porn clip for every kind of dirty thought you can ever imagine, and if you can’t act it out, you can at least see someone else doing it, and use it as an escape.

It’s kind of like watching a superhero movie, you can never be one in real life, so the least you can do is watch someone else play a superhero in a movie and enoy it!

[Read: The top 50 sex ideas and fantasies that are worth trying at least once in your life]

Porn is pleasurable and fun, in moderation

There are very few people who can honestly say that watching someone have sex on screen doesn’t give them a bit of pleasurable tingle. So, that’s the main reason why people choose to watch porn. [Read: Happy sex life – What a good sex life should look like in real life]

However, it can also be that someone watches too much porn because they’ve become addicted. The thrill you get when watching porn, or the naughty secret of watching something you’re “not supposed to” can be addictive to some. If it gets to that point, for sure, there’s a problem that needs addressing.

Porn isn’t realistic. That’s something else we need to remember. In reality, sex is not as polished as you see on screen.

Porn doesn’t feature odd noises and weird sex faces. That’s why watching too much porn can lead to an unrealistic view of what real sex is like. However, if you only watch it occasionally and enjoy it, where’s the harm? [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]

When does porn prompt the same pain as cheating in a relationship?

While watching porn isn’t really cheating, there are some circumstances where it definitely does feel like cheating. At least, your partner would feel that way.

1. When you prefer specific actors

Watching porn isn’t cheating, but if you prefer watching the same actors to arouse yourself or to masturbate to, is it just random anymore?

You’re obviously aroused by a particular person and their naked body. So this isn’t just mindless porn anymore, it’s a sexual crush on someone *even if you probably can’t have sex with them in real life*.

2. When you pay for porn

Some people consider paying for porn to be similar to paying someone to sleep with you. When you pay for porn, it’s not the case of you just watching something casually.

When you pay for it, it becomes an integral part of your lifestyle because you probably spend at least some time everyday using porn to satisfy yourself sexually.

3. You watch people on cams

Cam girls *and guys* are a grey area. And this is extremely close to cheating as well. If you’re interacting with nude people on cams and tipping them to perform sexual actions, you’re creating a sexual interaction. It’s no more about watching someone nude, you’re talking to them and they’re performing specific actions especially for you. [Read: Danger – What to do if you’re suddenly sexually attracted to a friend?]

4. You pay for a subscription like OnlyFans

OnlyFans may be a rage now, and this is as close as porn can come to the typical girl next door from the same neighborhood fantasy, to real life.

If you’re paying to watch acquaintances and people you know personally on their OnlyFans accounts, is that not cheating? You’re obviously sexually attracted to them in real life, and if you could, you probably would meet them in real life and have sex with them as well. [Read: How to stop being attracted to a friend and feel normal again]

5. You follow the actors on social media

It’s one thing to watch porn, but if you follow these actors on social media to keep track of their lives, it isn’t just porn anymore. It’s a crush, and in all probability, you’re sexually attracted to the person and want to know everything you can about them and their lives.

Would you cheat if you could with your fantasy crush?

What’s worse about all of the above scenarios is that you’re probably hiding it from your partner. And when you do this, chances are, you’re cheating, even if only in your mind.

Let’s be honest, when you watch specific Instagram models, cam girls, or porn stars, you’re not having sex with them. But you are deeply sexually aroused by them. You’re not having sex with them, but if you could do it in real life, you’d probably jump at the chance!

If your partner knew about this, they would definitely feel betrayed, or hurt. If you know your partner felt the same way you do about some other person, and that sexy someone makes your partner incredibly horny, you’d feel betrayed as well.

So is porn cheating? Not really, even if you’re thinking of cheating, or you’re fantasizing about cheating with your favorite actors or cam girls, you’re not doing it in person. So it’s not cheating.

BUT you would cheat if you could. And that is some kind of betrayal. Because if you did have the chance to meet this sexual crush of yours in real life *because you were incredibly desirable, rich and famous* and they threw themselves at you, could you hold yourself back?

[Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The honest truth most people ignore]

Porn can bring out our deepest insecurities

Let’s assume you watch porn. And let’s assume you’re in a healthy relationship, and your partner knows you watch porn. What if your favorite kind of porn were “busty girls” or “big dicks”? And now, what if your girl had small breasts? Or what if your guy had a small penis?

You love your partner, and are probably very sexually attracted to them. But if your porn preferences were completely opposite to what your partner is endowed with in real life, chances are, your partner would feel incredibly insecure about their own bodies.

Really, if you like their small boobs, why are you looking for big boobs online? Porn is bad enough with sexy actors and their perfect nude bodies and perfectly bleached crevices, but specific preferences *that your partner isn’t endowed with in real life* can make anyone feel even more insecure about their own bodies.

So again, is watching porn cheating? No. But however subtle you are about your porn preferences, chances are, you will make your partner feel insecure about themselves. [Read: Do you have an insecure girlfriend? 30 signs and ways to help her]

How would you feel about your partner watching porn?

On one hand, you might be sad to find out your partner watches porn. On the other hand, you might be pretty pragmatic about it and understand that maybe it’s just a bit of naughty fun for them. So, is watching porn cheating?

Of course, your answer may be different from our answer, but it’s important to see the different perspectives surrounding this problem. [Read: 10 good reasons why women should watch porn]

When it comes to cheating, everyone has a pretty clear definition of what it is in real life. But how we interact with people has changed. Cheating is defined as when a person in a relationship has sex or emotionally engages with someone outside of their relationship.

It sounds pretty straightforward. But what if the “other” person is a video recording of two people having sex, or a sexy nude person on a cam? Now, this is when things get tricky. [Read: Relationship rules – The 30 must know tips to live your best love life]

Here’s the honest truth, when it comes to cheating, though we have a definition of it, it’s different for everyone. Some people feel that their partner flirting with someone else is cheating. For someone else, it’s a kiss, or it could be when their partner becomes emotionally attached to someone else.

Cheating comes in different forms. Some people can accept their partner physically having sex with someone else, but an emotional attachment crosses the line. It depends on the person’s boundaries.

Can you stop your partner from watching porn?

This is the crazy part. Unlike stopping your partner from cheating on you with your hot neighbor, it’s almost impossible to “stop” anyone from watching porn. It’s so accessible, and it’s everywhere!

You can watch it in bed, at work, on your phone when you’re taking a shower or in the loo, while waiting for the bus or sitting in a cab, literally anywhere! And all you have to do is delete your browser history. It’s that simple.

And even if your partner were to avoid porn sites in every way just to stay “mentally loyal” to you, what about social media? Are you going to ban social media from your partner’s life as well? Instagram, TikTok and other social media apps are getting really naughty as well, and you may not see a sexy person’s naughty bits on a social media feed, but it’s enough to feel like porn!

Men vs women and how they feel about their partner watching porn

Men and women usually view porn in a totally different light. Most men are completely okay if their girlfriend or wife watches porn. They may even get aroused by it, and want to join in.

On the other hand, women usually feel more insecure and are more offended when they find out their husband or boyfriend are watching porn behind their back.

And that just makes watching porn and drawing the line for cheating all the more confusing!

Remember, porn isn’t real but it can still hurt

Porn or some variation of it is here to stay. And as jealous as you may feel about it when you catch your partner pinching and zooming into some hot person’s Insta photo, it’s not real life.

When someone cheats on their partner with another person, that’s real. It physically happened. But porn isn’t real. Both male and female porn actors are paid to perform sexual acts together on screen.And the whole intention of porn is to arouse the viewer.

Porn is designed to create an over-the-top and unrealistic sexual experience for viewers, even if it’s interactive. [Read: These alternatives to porn will help you get hot and wet without it]

Watching porn isn’t cheating. Of course, if your partner awkwardly discovers you watching porn, it’ll be uncomfortable and possibly make them feel insecure, but, it’s not cheating in the traditional sense.

Your partner will probably wonder why they can’t sexually satisfy you and may think that you’re going to cheat on them in the future. But watching porn isn’t cheating as long as you haven’t actually done anything physically or engaged emotionally with the person you’re watching on screen.

But, porn can be a problem in a relationship

If you’re watching porn as a substitute for sex with your partner, then this is a huge warning of something greater happening in your future. If you prefer masturbation over real sex with your partner, that’s a cause for worry as well.

Look at why you’re going to porn for sexual satisfaction instead of choosing sexual intimacy with your partner. This doesn’t mean you’re cheating, but it’s an opening to you overstepping your boundaries in the future. [Read: 5 signs you’re addicted and 15 ways to get over porn ASAP]

Has your relationship suffered because you watch porn? Porn can become a huge problem if you keep it a secret, or if it interferes with your real sex life. Once you have kept something a secret, this creates distrust in the relationship, as your partner wonders what else you’re hiding.

It’s also important to remember that when in a relationship, we all have different sexual needs. And sometimes, our partners aren’t able to provide those needs to us.

For example, maybe you have a specific fantasy that your partner doesn’t want to engage in. Watching porn can offer you the experience without cheating on your partner.

Maybe your partner is sick or not feeling sexual, which is completely fine. But you can still have solo-sex with yourself. Porn can provide you with variety during masturbation, and spice up your solo-sex. [Read: Why do men watch porn? The answer may not be what you think]

Your partner may not see eye to eye with you on this, and that’s okay. But it’s important you sit down with them and explain why you watch porn. If you’re not open and honest with them, that’s when the problems occur.

Of course, with all the easy access we have to porn these days, even on your phone, it would be silly if you have to report to them every single time you open a porn site to pleasure yourself. And that would be an awkward conversation have as well! “Honey, I’m going to take a shower, and I’ll be watching porn for a few minutes in the loo because I’m bored!” somehow doesn’t sound very nice, does it?

Think of it like social media, you use it, your partner knows you use it, and you don’t deny using it. But there are a few things you wouldn’t dream of doing on social media at the risk of hurting your partner – like commenting something sexual to a random sexy person, flirting with someone, or trying to have an online affair, and the like.

And just as you’ve learned to behave on social media, the same rules should apply to porn as well. Don’t cross the line, and if your partner ever feels like porn is getting in the way of your real sex life, perhaps it’s time for a porn sites detox, just as you would do with social media. [Read: Social media addiction – 16 alarming symptoms and how to break out]

Don’t keep porn a secret

Don’t keep your porn a secret; let your partner know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. It may help them have a better understanding of your needs.

If your partner isn’t used to watching porn, why don’t you introduce it to them? Many couples watch porn together as foreplay often.

Not to mention, it’s a great way to discover each other’s fantasy and turn-ons. Who knows, maybe you will incorporate what you see in porn into your own sex lives. [Read: Porn for couples and how it could save your relationship]

Instead of watching it alone and hiding porn as a dirty little secret, explore it together with your partner. Once you’re both comfortable with the idea of porn, and feel secure enough to not feel threatened by it, you’ll see that porn can be a really fun part of your sexual arsenal to keep you both aroused and sexually satisfied in bed, for years to come.

The last step – Decide if porn is cheating together as a couple

Porn isn’t cheating. What causes the problems is when you hide your behavior from your partner, or if porn affects your sex life negatively. That’s when feelings of insecurity and distrust arise, which leads to feelings of betrayal.

So, talk to your partner about porn and share your feelings with them. Who knows what they’ll say. Maybe they’ll want to join in with you on the fantasy. [Read: 25 very common porn myths that people still believe]

So what’s the easiest way to fix this? Watch it together. And before you type “big boobs” or “big dick” when your partner is sitting next to you, try to be empathetic. Take turns to pick specific scenarios, or if you believe your partner is particularly insecure about porn, allow them to pick something to watch together.

You need to remember that the biggest cause of feeling betrayed while watching porn is INSECURITY. If you make your partner feel insecure when you watch porn, either by watching something that triggers their insecurity *looking at specific body types they don’t have* or if you can’t have sex with your partner because you’ve had an orgasm watching porn already and just can’t get it up for round two, those are the scenarios when porn can seriously affect your relationship.

So talk about it, watch porn together, and explore sex as a couple. The more your partner learns to trust you, and the more you help them feel secure when you watch porn, the happier both of you will be.

And porn, that’ll just be one more funny, naughty thing you both indulge in, that doesn’t affect your relationship negatively in any way!

[Read: The 15 best female friendly pron sites that are tingingly exciting]

So is watching porn cheating? It’s a tricky situation, but it’s not really classed as cheating. As long as you remember the suggestions on betrayal and insecurity, why not just have a conversation about it with your partner and explore it together?